ALL ABOUT SANTOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!

Sarah Santoyoyo once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that her foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.  

Crop circles are Sarah Santoyoyo' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Sarah Santoyoyo is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Sarah Santoyoyo out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Sarah Santoyoyo, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Sarah Santoyoyo has 72... and they’re all poisonous.

If you ask Sarah Santoyoyo what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Sarah Santoyoyo drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Sarah Santoyoyo sends in her taxes, she sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Sarah Santoyoyo has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Sarah Santoyoyo' fist.

Sarah Santoyoyo invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Sarah Santoyoyo Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Sarah Santoyoyo can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Sarah Santoyoyo allows to live.

Sarah Santoyoyo once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. she spent the first 45 minutes having sex with her waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Sarah Santoyoyo' victims before they died? her shoe.

Sarah Santoyoyo is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Sarah Santoyoyo as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Sarah Santoyoyo doesn't churn butter. she roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Sarah Santoyoyo doesn’t wash her clothes, she disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that there spot is for handicapped people.

It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Sarah Santoyoyo and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Sarah Santoyoyo will attain statehood in 2009. her state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Sarah Santoyoyo getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

If you spell Sarah Santoyoyo in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Sarah Santoyoyo originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused her to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout there "glitch," Santoyoyo replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Sarah Santoyoyo once and she will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Sarah Santoyoyo played in second grade.

Sarah Santoyoyo once shot down a German fighter plane with her finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Sarah Santoyoyo once bet NASA she could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Sarah Santoyoyo re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Sarah Santoyoyo has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Sarah Santoyoyo that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. There has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Sarahtatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Sarah Santoyoyo once swallowed a turtle whole, and when she crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Sarah Santoyoyo is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Sarah Santoyoyo.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Sarah Santoyoyo's warm-up exercises.

Sarah Santoyoyo is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly she will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Sarah Santoyoyo turned that wine into beer.

Sarah Santoyoyo can hit you so hard that she can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The shell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Sarah Santoyoyo.

Sarah Santoyoyo discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Sarah Santoyoyo is even more badass than in there one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Sarah Santoyoyo roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Sarah Santoyoyo doesn't shower, she only takes blood baths.

The Sarah Santoyoyo military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Sarah Santoyoyo could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Sarah Santoyoyo could use to kill you, including the room itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Sarah Santoyoyo walks.

Sarah Santoyoyo does not teabag the ladies. she potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Sarah gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Sarah Santoyoyo goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Sarah Santoyoyo has breathed on.

Sarah Santoyoyo once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Sarah Santoyoyo won by 5.

Sarah Santoyoyo was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which she carried with him until she died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Sarah's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Sarah Santoyoyo sheds her skin twice a year.